Six common self-sabotaging thinking patterns

Through the vastly different types of clients I coached, I discovered six common patterns through which people sabotage their own lives. These typically are the subconscious thoughts people have that make them feel stuck. This was a very deep insight into unhelpful thought patterns that many of us get trapped by. I detail them below, along with the underlying beliefs that maintain the respective pattern and how these beliefs manifest in what people do (i.e., the “symptoms”):

Pattern	Underlying beliefs (“causes” of inertia)	Symptoms (non-verbal behaviour, affect)
Unable to reach a decision	Unclear what the likelihood of each considered decision outcome is; Unclear general direction in one's organisation/life/decision context (i.e., lack of purpose); Fear of failure;	frustration, procrastination, feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed
Unable to fully commit to/act on a decision	Preoccupation with what others would or might think about acting on the decision; Too comfortable/habituated to current life situation, typically combined with a lack of internal/external urgency to act; Fear of making the wrong decision/not trusting or feeling ashamed of one's own desires, because one finds themselves in an undesirable life situation now; Fear of change, where the perceived risks outweigh any potential gain;	self-doubt, avoidance (“self-sabotage”), procrastination, rumination, fear of missing out, feeling that time is running away/out, feeling like a failure
Avoiding opportunities to develop/progress/take care of oneself	Low self-confidence (“I am not good enough anyway”, “why would anyone like me”); Ascribing any success to luck/external factors beyond one's control, instead of own abilities/knowledge; Pre-empting mistakes, expecting failure to happen if one does act/speak up;	being taken advantage of, feeling undervalued, disrespected, feeling stupid, unworthy, underqualified, imposter, feeling misunderstood, unheard, ignored, lacking initiative, demotivated, underselling oneself
Operating on unrealistic expectations	Time blindness (i.e., unrealistic expectations of how long tasks actually take to complete); Underestimating the importance of dependencies/situational factors in getting things done; Overestimating others’ capabilities, using oneself as the golden standard that others should follow; Believing that everything needs to be “perfect”;	systematic disappointment in/frustration with oneself and others, self-doubt, demotivation, procrastination, impatience
Unable to refuse unwanted task/responsibility	Fear of missing out on good opportunities if one does not say yes to a current unwanted task/responsibility; Not wanting to disappoint others, fear of rejection/abandonment if not complying with the task; Underestimating the time required to execute the task properly, given other commitments; Fear of retaliation if one does not complete the task;	procrastination, failing/avoiding others, distress
Navigating new (un)expected life/business situation (e.g. illness, death of loved one, getting fired/changing job, marrying/breaking up, buying a house, moving, new regulations/laws)	Fatalising one’s situation ("why is this happening to me", “I am always the culprit”, “why do I never get what I want”); Uncertain what to do next (i.e., no purpose);	feeling helpless/hopeless, overwhelmed, feeling pressure to perform, feeling uncertain/fear of unknown, excited, panic, frustration, distress

A great coach will quickly identify these kinds of mental obstacles. They will ask questions to

challenge the underlying beliefs that drive the blocking thought pattern, using language that suits the client. For example, an issue may be masked as someone saying they need help with time management, while the real reason they keep procrastinating is that they operate on unrealistic expectations. A coach can uncover that for the client and then help them take different actions.

Do you recognise yourself in any of these patterns? Feel free to get in touch!