Patterns of life struggles

Through the 50+ hours of practice sessions I did to obtain my foundational coaching certificate, I discovered six common thinking patterns that withhold people from reaching their goals and feeling satisfied in life. This was a very deep insight into the mental fallacies that many of us get trapped by. I detail them below along with the underlying beliefs that maintain the respective pattern, and how these beliefs manifest in what my past clients do (i.e., the “symptoms”):

Pattern	Underlying beliefs (possible “causes”)	Symptoms (non-verbal affect, behaviours)
unable to reach a decision	-         unclear what the likelihood of each considered scenario/potential outcome is; -         (perceived) dependency on others in decision-making process; -         unclear overall direction in organisation/life/decision context (no “bigger purpose”); -         fear of failure	frustration, procrastination, feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed
unable to fully commit to/act on a decision	-         fear of what others would do or think of the decision when acting upon it; -         too comfortable/habituated to current life situation (lack of internal/external urgency to act); -         fear of making the wrong decision/not trusting or feeling ashamed of one's own desires because one finds themselves in an undesirable life situation now; -         fear of change where perceived risks outweigh potential gain	self-doubt, avoidance (“self-sabotage”), procrastination, rumination, fear of missing out, feeling that time is running away/out, feeling like a failure
avoiding opportunities to develop/progress/take care of oneself	-         low self-confidence (“I am not good enough anyway”, “why would anyone like me”); -         ascribing any success to luck/external factors instead of own skills/knowledge; -         pre-empting mistakes, expecting failure to happen if one does act/speak up	being taken advantage of, feeling undervalued, disrespected, feeling stupid, unworthy, underqualified, imposter, feeling misunderstood, unheard, ignored, lacking initiative, demotivated, underselling oneself
operating on unrealistic expectations	-         time blindness (i.e., unrealistic expectations of how long tasks actually take to complete); -         underestimating importance of dependencies/situational factors in getting things done; -         overestimating others’ capabilities, using oneself as standard; -         beliefs that everything needs to be “perfect”	systematic disappointment in/frustration with oneself and others, self-doubt, demotivation, procrastination, impatience
unable to refuse unwanted task/responsibility	-         fear of missing out on good opportunities; -         not wanting to disappoint others; -         underestimating the time required to execute the task, given other commitments; -         fear of retaliation when not completing the task	procrastination, failing/avoiding others, distress
navigating new (un)expected life/business situation (e.g. illness, death of loved one, getting fired/changing job, marrying/breaking up, buying a house, moving, new regulations/laws)	-         fatalising one’s situation ( "why is this happening to me", “I am always the culprit”, “why do I never get what I want”) -         uncertain what to do next	feeling helpless/hopeless, overwhelmed, feeling pressure to perform, feeling uncertain/fear of unknown, excited, panic, frustration, distress

In my view, a great coach can quickly identify a client’s fundamental issue and ask questions that

challenge the underlying beliefs, using language that suits them. For example, an issue may be

masked as someone saying they need help with time management, while the real reason they keep

procrastinating is that they operate on unrealistic expectations. A coach can uncover that for the client and then systematically query them to take different actions.

Recognise yourself in any of these patterns? Feel free to get in touch!